His Sun
by TheAmazingLT
Summary: Japril-centric one-shot. Enjoy.


**Hope you enjoy:**

**-000-**

April Kepner was his sun. She was the brightest star in the center of his solar system: she always has been. Even when they were only friends she was the sun in the darkness of the world. Jackson Avery was weak when it came to April Kepner. She had this magnetic field around her pulling you in deeper and deeper. He was nothing but a helpless planet orbiting around her light. He thought back to that night he and April kissed in that hall in San Fransico: he thought April was attractive since their interns day when she was still a innocent brunette and cute. After the break-up with Lexie all he could do was think of April so when she kissed him in the hall he lost all his self-control. She enchanted him with that sultry look and sly smile.

After they had sex for the first time she pushed him away only pull him back in the next day just to push him away again. The weeks following the boards were filled with awkward silence and ignorance. He tried his best fighting the pull and hiding from his feelings but the night of the residents dinner something snapped and he told her how sick he felt at the thought of him leaving her for Tulane. He was angry at himself, at the world and most definitely at her. He was angry at her for pulling him down with her gravity and once she was done sending him into the dark corners of space where he aimlessly floated around. But then she looked at him with burning eyes and he was hooked again. She was like a drug to him.

Just when he thought things between them were going okay and they were slowly falling into their regular routine, she dropped the bomb that she was leaving. In retrospect he knew April would not be staying in Seattle since she lost her job but he hoped she'd stay for a little while longer...that she would stay for him. The day she told him that she was going back to Ohio was a stressful day, all his attention was on Mark...but then he died. Jackson went to Joe's waiting for her for nearly three hours but then he realized she would not show. In one day he lost his mentor and his best friend. His universe was falling apart, his sun was gone. His life force disappeared and he was all alone again.

It took him some time to adjust to his lost and just as life started making sense again and gravity returned back to earth April came back. His sun returned and she blinded him with her light. He wanted her to remember what happened between them but then she dropped the revirginizing bomb' and it made him angry. She was trying to forget their most intimate moments. She was trying to pretend that they never had sex: that they never shared their bodies that night and the following day. He was so angry he spilled coffee on her...yes it was childish and futile but she hurt him and he wanted to hurt her back but then she pulled him back in again with her light and her warmth. His life started orbiting around her yet again.

Their bodies longed for each other's touch but just as the sun she was intangible to Jackson. He basked in warmth and her light but when he got to close...when he started losing his heart, losing himself in her he got burned. Just like the sun, she would only be his for a little while; until nightfall knocked on her heart's door and then she would disappear and tell him what they did was wrong only to repeat the circle of want, need, lust and guilt yet again. Every time he tried reaching for her...just when he thought he could feel her, she would just disappear and leave him in the dark of night until morning.

The pregnancy scare then came and he let his mind wander to an idealistic life for them. They would get married in a field with butterflies and start a family and live a life filled with white picket fences and cliche all-American family camping trips She would be his wife and he'd be her husband. The thought of April being pregnant petrified him at first but then he realized he wanted her. He was all in even though he refused to admit that he was in love with her. The idea of starting a family with his best friend (with the woman he did not know he loved yet) felt right. The way her eyes lit up when they spoke about the perfect life they had planned just strengthen his belief in them and in their future. He latched on to her and their dreams of the future. But then she read the results of the pregnancy scare and she was relieved. She was relieved that she did not have to have the life they planned...and it hurt him. He knew that he should stop holding on to something that was never there. He used to dance on her string like a puppet but he was growing tried trying figuring out what he meant to her but he realized all they were meant to be was something beautifully unfinished. He was flying too close to the sun and he was sick and tired of getting burned so he ended their 'relationship'. He decided to leave her...he was strong enough to break his own heart before she could trample over it yet again. He was strong enough to leave her but weak enough to need her. He needed her even though he tried his best forgetting her.

He was still haunted by her. She was still his life force and it angered him that she still had such power over him. So, he decided to take his life in his own hands again and the first step was sleeping with Stephanie. He needed to show her and him that he could move on. He fooled himself into believing that he was over her. He even convinced himself that he was actually happy for her and the paramedic when they got engaged. Slowly, he started accepting that there was a life...that there was a galaxy that did not revolve around April Kepner. Things between him and Steph were going great and he was actually moving on and finding himself but then the storm happened and April told him she wanted him. He was angry. How dare she think she could just pull him back again? How dare she? He was finally living but then she asked him to give her a reason not to marry Matthew. But Jackson was hurt, he was angry and proud so he refused to give into her deadly pull. He refused to get burned again so he told her to get married. He was done being her pawn.

In the weeks after the storm they both decided to forget that night. April drowned herself in wedding planning while he turned to work and focusing on his girlfriend. He promised himself that he'd be a better man for her. Just when life was starting to make sense April asked him to go to her wedding. He thought it better not to go because of their history but then he saw the light in her eyes grow dim and every part of him wanted to tell her yes just to see that light in her eyes again but his pride said no. As her wedding day crept closer he started growing restless. His thoughts were haunted by her face. On the day of her wedding she asked him again hopeful, so, he agreed for some reason.

His patients made him think back to the mentor whom he has not thought of in months. The words he told him were deeply engraved into the back of Jackson's skull. There was this urgency in the words that somehow caused explainable dread and uncertainty in his heart. Only when he opened that box and saw a butterfly fly out did he realize why he felt that way. But he hid behind his pride refusing to give into those feeling. As he sat on the chairs of the barn and saw all the happy faces around him, he started feeling nauseous. Just as he was about to turn to Stephanie and ask her if they could leave the music started. Realizing it was too late he stood up like all the other guest and watched the bridesmaids walk down the aisle.

And then she walked in leaving him breathless.

Her arms were safely hooked into her father's as she walked down the aisle smiling.

Their eyes met for a few seconds and she smiled at him softly. The smile she gave him was different than she gave the other guest, it was secretive and sincere as if she was thanking him for being there... not for her wedding but for her. Jackson was not sure if it was only his imagination but he thought he saw uncertainty in her eyes. Once she reached the front everyone sat down the pastor continued the ceremony but Jackson was too lost in his own thoughts to listen to what was being said.

Was that uncertainty or was he only fooling himself?

He looked up to the aisle at the beautiful blushing bride standing there in all her magnificence and he realized she was still his sun and she would always be his sun. He tried ignoring the fact that he needed her. He tried ignoring the signs pulling them to one another. After the storm he was too blinded by pride and ignorance to realize that she was ready...that she wanted him like he wanted her before she read the results of the pregnancy. She was ready to start a life with him. April Kepner was the only one that truly got him, she was the place that he could go to when he was hurt and scared. He needed her. Only with her did he have gravity...without her he was just floating in a dark existence. April Kepner ruined him. As he watched her he realized that he would never be able to truly live without her. She left her kiss like a bruise on his lips, her soft fingertips were burned into every inch of his skin.

When the pastor asked for the support and blessing of everyone in the room he realized he was losing her. He was losing his life source...his light...his warmth...he was losing the love of his life. She was the only woman who kept running round and round in his head again. There were certain things that he adored and certain things that he could only ignore when it came to April Kepner but Jackson Avery was certain of one thing...

He was hers.

She was his.

He turned to Stephanie and apologized before his body took over and brought him to his feet.

Jackson sat down again feeling embarrassed when he realized everybody's eyes were on him.

But the embarrassment quickly faded once the fear of losing her forever returned. Losing April Kepner would be like living in a world with no air, a world of cold darkness. A world he'd never be able to survive in. So, he got up yet again and this time he spoke:

"I love you, April. I always have. I love everything about you. Even the things I don't like, I love. And I want you with me. I love you, and I think...that you love me too. Do you?"

He swallowed the lump in his throat as he searched her shocked face. He tried controlling his frantic heart and nervous sweating as every person in the room looked at him. But he did not care, he needed April to know that he loved her. When she left he lost a part of him. They belonged together. And he wanted her. He needed her.

April opened her mouth to speak but closed it yer again as she searched his face. A sad smile rooted itself on her face making Jackson's heart stop. He felt dizzy. He felt sick. He was terrified. But then she turned to Matthew and whispered something only he could hear before turning back to him. She then ran towards him with an excited smile on her lips. Jackson smiled holding out his hand for her to take and together they ran. They ran for dear life having no idea where they were going but that did not matter because they had each other and that was all they needed. She was the sun and he would orbit around her for eternity.

Hours later they were making love under the dim night light coming through the window. April's fingertips were tattooed all over his skin as her hands roamed over his body lost in the constellations of their love. Jackson's heart was hammering in his chest when he fell back into the bed. He took a few deep breaths as he tightened his arms around her small frame. He looked down at her face illuminated by the moonlight.

"You're my sun."

"Mmm?" April took a deep breath as she she slowly regained control of her body. "I thought I was your wife." She joked hoarsely.

He kissed her forehead.

"You are my sun, April. You have this magnetic pull. Your my center, April. I'm helpless to your pull...all I can do is orbit around you. I'll go anywhere you want me me to."

April smiled.

"I thought you didn't do metaphors."

Jackson shrugged.

"Well, if I'm your sun then you are...my Milky Way."

"What does that mean."

April shrugged.

"I don't know. It just sounds so profound."

Jackson laughed and gently kissed her.

"I love you."

"I love you more," he whispered against her lips before deepening the kiss.


End file.
